I guess it was May when Mindy, my wife, asked me to do the next blog
posting. I said sure thinking it should be an easy one based on the weekend we
had just had. Looking back, I will admit that I was/am a little intimidated by
how well my wife writes. My writing will not be as good but bear with me. I am
finally getting to that point where I feel I better start writing or I may
forget some of these great moments Calvin has blessed us with.
Her request that I
write the next post stemmed from some experiences we had while we were visiting
her family in May. At this point I don't really recall most of the weekend but
that Sunday we had just seen our little man, Calvin single handedly take
Mindy's family by storm. We had gone to Idaho Falls/ Rigby to welcome her
parents back from a mission in the Philippines.
It had been rough for
a while for our family due all the
issues we had/ have been going through and I had some anxiety about this
weekend, but somehow the weekend managed to move along relatively smoothly
without major issues. Sunday morning rolled along so the family prepared and
went to church. I mostly remember going
to church to walk in and see Mindy's sister trying to sign that she wants to
give Mindy and I a break and hold little man for us. Mindy quickly retorted she
needs to learn how to sign it properly before she gives him up. Little did my
wife nor I know that for the next hour
or so we would be playing "Where's Calvin?" as we look about
the chapel. It's not that he miraculously started walking at 3 months. He was a
hit amongst the family and every five minutes or so, we would find him in
another family members arms happy as can be and delighting those around him. He
has a way with people when he smiles and giggles. People seem to come away
glowing in happiness themselves. I had
to ask Mindy who's that holding him quite a few times that morning but
eventually got to meet at least some of Mindy's extended family. For me, I
finally felt a part of the family in a way at least - a contributor or at least
proud daddy.
Additionally, while at
church that morning with the In-laws and Calvin off visiting family somewhere, “Called
to Serve” was the song to be sung. I don't know it but apparently my wife knows
it well. She heard and learned it as a child out there in nowheresville, Idaho...
As the song started, people started singing. Mindy started signing the song to
Carli, our daughter - who seems most genuinely interested in learning sign of
the kids. I asked her after the song was over, "Where/ when did you learn
that?" It turns out that Mindy grew
up in a deaf ward and she learned a lot of the sign language while watching the
interpreter in church every Sunday. I felt compelled to inform her right there
and then this is why I married you. You were and are who the mother of my child
is supposed to be... Thank you for helping my son to be everything he is.
I've
been thinking a lot lately, and I guess I have a different perspective on
Calvin being deaf. I do not know exactly what it is like but as some of you
know, I am severely deaf and have a hearing aid in both ears. I am not ashamed
of them and have worked very hard to surpass my hearing limitations, but I will
admit for a long time, I hated them and everything associated with them - they
made me different when I just wanted to fit in.
Without them, however, let's just
say screaming does not do much for me if I even notice. I read lips. I read
body language. I am only now learning sign language. I do not know whether I
was steered away or whether it was a by product of where I grew up in rural
Louisiana that prohibited my learning of it. My parents briefly introduced me
to the deaf culture but decided that they wanted me to maintain mainstream
education. I am not sure how much of this was based on when we moved from
Massachusetts to Louisiana, there may not have actually been a deaf culture as
had been in MA. They had taken me several times to a School of the Deaf and
Blind but I don't know how many times. I remember going there but mostly I
remember the buildings and the campus. Imagine that. :) I do believe my parents wanted me to learn as a
normal child might but knew I was behind when I finally failed a hearing test
at 4 yrs old. ( I will explain this another time. ) I struggled as a child who was hard of
hearing, but I do not look at myself as disabled as others may. I would not be
who or what I am today without the struggles I had as a child, or the wonderful
parents who helped, loved and supported me so much then and now.
Having
hearing loss makes EVERYTHING more difficult. Most never really understand this
as many of us think of hearing as hear =
listen. Right? Wrong. Quite often those with difficulties may not hear but are
always trying to listen. Big difference. Trust me. We don't actually EVER hear
it. When you say something to us, we are essentially trying to translate, yes,
translate like it is another language. Needless to say, my processing of what
people say sometimes isn't always correct and can create awkward moments or
hilarious ones just as well. My deciphering of what is said gets worse with any
number of things like surround noise, wind, weather, multiple people talking,
lack of knowledge of speaker, speed (time to process), accents, slurred speech,
inability to see (read) lips, body language, and even how tired I am impacts how well I
"hear". The list can go on and on.
Over
the years I have tried and overcome most of my issues with hearing loss. I will never say it is easy. Frankly it is
downright difficult. With every conversation, I am listening, processing and
trying to guess not what you are wanting to hear as a response but what the
heck you just said. From there, if I still have a few seconds I may try to
guess what you want me to say, but don't bet on it. As a day wears on, with
conversations with many different people or uncontrolled environments, it wears
me down.
TO
the point.... I do not know what Calvin is going to face in life. I do
understand some of it, but not to his extents. Calvin, is as they say,
profoundly deaf. From severely to profoundly deaf does not sound like much to
you all but in my perspective, it is extreme in the difference. He currently
hears nothing. As I had asked the audiologist after the initial tests.
"Nothing, Nothing at all?" She said "Nothing."
Sometimes I
worry and even shed tears for him as I wonder where he is headed and what will
he do with his life. Will he be successful in getting a cochlear implant? I do
not know these things but I usually recover quickly as I have some knowledge of
what he will go through and knowing I can help guide him.
Calvin
may be deaf. He may be able to hear with one ear next year when we attempt to
get cochlear implants. I don't know if he will for sure and am okay with it.
Mindy, my wife, has been hardcore in learning the sign language. The kids have
been good at helping as well. We learn from each other and try to utilize it in
front of Calvin often. We have not become fluent yet or non-stop users but that
is our goal.
He
may or may not hear our love but certainly he can see and feel it. His eyes are
the brightest blue with a little white ring like lightening around his pupil,
and they do not miss much. He smiles and giggles all the time. I think his smile and giggle is a learned response
since that is what he so often sees from his beautiful mom. This small child of
mine holds this family in his little hands. He enjoys the opportunity to touch
and hold so many people. So many people have told us that Calvin fills a room
with calmness - peacefulness.
My son, even with the challenges
he faces, will be someone. I know it from the bottom of my heart that he will
be someone others will look up to someday. He already has left his mark on
Mindy's family. He is a wonderful little guy who brings smiles to those around
him, and I will do everything in my power to help this little man to become the
best that he can. There is nothing to
worry about with him. Calvin, while young and deaf, carries my family name
along for another generation. I can think of no one I'd rather have represent
my parents into the next generation. Thank you Mindy again for all you've done
and continue to do.
Rob
I will try to
write shorter and more frequent.
