Speechless

Today was Calvin's first Speech Therapy session since his processor was replaced. Calvin has previously had therapy, but due to moving, my work schedule and implant issues, it has been spotty at best. Now that everything has calmed down, we are hitting it hard. Twice a week we are in clinic at The Speech Emporium in Cypress ( I hate the name of that place, it sounds so cheap and does not at all reflect the level of professionalism that we are given).

Because of the inconsistency that we've had before, I didn't expect a big response from Calvin today. However, what we got left me speechless.

The first amazing thing that happened is that when we were all quiet for a moment, Calvin turned and looked at the clock and then pointed to it. I hadn't even noticed it ticking, but he did. I was so surprised that he could hear something so quiet. It was such a good affirmation that his implant really is working and that he can hear again.

As we worked with the speech therapist, we started with his ling sounds. Those are simple sounds like 'oo' 'aahh' 'buh buh buh' 'eeee' and 'mmmmm'. Usually Miss Jennifer will hold a toy to Calvin's ear and motion that he needs to listen. She covers her mouth with a hand, and then when she has made the sound,  and he hears it, he can drop the toy in the bucket. He hasn't really alerted to any sounds made by human voice yet, so I wasn't expecting a response. But when she made the 'ooo' sound, not only did Calvin's face light up, but he dropped the toy in the bucket and said, "ooo". That is the FIRST TIME he has ever made a sound other than "mum mum mum mum" (That's an instictive sound. He didn't make it because it had any meaning to it, it was because he can feel the vibrations on his lips). I was so taken aback and surprised that I started crying. I didn't expect a response at all. Usually I take pictures or video tape his important sessions, but I didn't expect him to start articulating sound today- especially after having such a long break getting his implant working again.

It sounds like such a little thing to hear a kiddo say "ooo" but to me it's priceless. Calvin's deaf voice is becoming pretty pronounced. While his implant wasn't working, he started making more instinctive, gutteral sounds. Some of them were more gurgling, and some are just hard to describe. Usually I laugh at them with him because they sound cute, and they're fun for him to make. They're sounds that feel good on his lips and tickle his throat. Then there are his sounds of frustration and anger. Usually it's just a VERY loud "uh uh uh uh uh" sound over and over again. When he can't find the sign language to tell me what he wants, or no matter what I sign back to him or show him or try to help him, and none of it satisfies him- this is the sound he makes. I've accepted that this is a part of him, and for the most part I can handle it. But there are times when it really does break my heart. It makes me sad when I hear other kiddos his age who are starting to voice. It makes me sad when were in public and he's mad and makes that sound and every parent within ear shot gives me a horrible look. It makes me sad when I am tired, and get frustrated with him for it. It's not his fault and it makes me feel terrible for being frustrated, but it's our reality.

I am grateful for the efforts that we've made to learn ASL. Even though we are working so hard to help Calvin use hearing and speech, I never want him to be in an environment where he doesn't have a voice, weather its spoken or visual language. I read a study once that stated the statistics of Deaf children who were sexually abused. It was staggering. I never want Calvin to feel like he can't tell someone if he's being hurt, no matter what environment he is in. I will do whatever it takes to give him a voice, and the ability to advocate for himself. I prefer to be the one who is left speechless at what a wonder this little man is.